The story of the ‘Hospital Family’

Youp was just two weeks old when he was diagnosed with neuroblastoma. That same evening, his mother Dagmar met two other families in the central hall of the Princess Máxima Center. Later, two more families joined them. It was the beginning of a friendship. The friendship of what they themselves call the ‘Hospital Family’.

Dagmar shares her story:

‘At two weeks old, Youp was one of the youngest patients at the Máxima Center. I kept thinking: what is happening to me? You feel a paralyzing fear. A fear that truly grips you in those early days. The two families I met on the evening of the diagnosis recognized that immediately. These were Gerda and Keesjan, with their son Bjorn, and Agnes and Geert, with their son Jelle. Gerda and Keesjan were already a few weeks further along in the treatment process, while Agnes and Geert were right in the middle of the roller coaster. Later, we also met Petra and John, the parents of Duncan, and Jacob and Frida, the parents of Sander.

Because our children received chemotherapy around the same time, we kept running into each other. After a while, we exchanged phone numbers. That is how we discovered that the other parents already knew each other as well. From that moment on, we celebrated every small step forward and cried together when things went wrong. If someone had an important test coming up, everyone knew. You are deeply involved in each other’s lives. I remember all the bingo games in the hospital and the moments when we received beads together. Or the times we sought each other out at the end of a difficult day. Then we could give those feelings a place together. And Lenie, who during her shifts always managed to put a smile on the boys’ faces.

Duncan, Jelle, and Sander, three of the five beautiful boys, have passed away. Only Youp and Bjorn survived. It was at Jelle’s funeral that his father, Geert, expressed his gratitude to the ‘Hospital Family’ in a speech. That described so perfectly what it is. Parents, family, friends, you cannot explain to them what this does to you, but our Hospital Family understands.

We laughed so much together, but there is also always a deep sense of loss. As the mother of a survivor, I always carry the other boys in my thoughts. And the feeling goes both ways. When Youp or Bjorn receives test results, the other parents are genuinely involved. It is incredibly powerful and special. They walk alongside us in all our small steps forward. Their names, and those of many others, we will always keep saying. Even now, five years later. We miss them terribly.

We still get together once or twice a year and do something nice together. Next spring, we are going away for a weekend with everyone. It is a very special friendship. We are all so different, yet share such a warm bond. All of us know what it is like to have a child who is ill. And we also know that it does not end afterward. That applies to parents of a child who has died as well as to survivors. You have to give it a place. Life goes on, but there is always a part of you that is broken.’